"Most people don't even tag her with autism, because she's smart, she's so articulate." That line from Lauren Murray is the heart of this episode.
Lauren is a New Jersey mom of two, and her daughters are almost twenty years apart. Her oldest is about to turn 21, a UCF graduate living and working in Florida. Her youngest is four, level two autistic, with sensory processing disorder and a short list of safe foods. She is also, in Lauren's words, doing fantastic.
In this Seen and Heard episode, Lauren gives Rob an honest look at a day that starts at six in the morning and does not end until nine at night. Her husband works 12 to 18 hour days, so most of the week she is her daughter's near sole caregiver. Lauren is a former teacher who kept a tight schedule at home, and school does it even better, down to the minute, and her daughter loves it.
Then there is the part so many parents will feel in their chest. Lauren's daughter is bright and verbal, she speaks better than most of her peers, and that is exactly why people do not believe she is autistic. At the park, one mom packs up her kids and leaves every time she sees them coming, because Lauren's daughter does not understand personal space and just wants to play. In public, a meltdown gets read as a bratty toddler, when the truth is they have done everything from A to Z to get ahead of it.
And the win. Flying home from a day trip to visit her oldest in Florida, their flight got canceled. They spent the night in the airport, then got emergency landed at an airport none of them had ever seen. Her four-year-old took the whole thing in stride, iPad, comfort snacks, a bench, and a blanket Lauren packed just in case, and a kid who just went with the flow.
Lauren also names something a lot of families hit. In New Jersey, the services show up the moment you are diagnosed, but if you do not use them inside six months, they close your file. Not because you will never need help, just because you did not need it that week.
What you'll hear
Why a bright, verbal four-year-old still gets dismissed as not autistic
The canceled-flight, slept-in-the-airport win that had them celebrating for days
Being the near sole caregiver on a 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. day
Personal space, the park, and the judgment that comes with a public meltdown
The six-month rule that cuts New Jersey families off from services
Fighting for a year just to get the referral that started the diagnosis
"She took it better than I did."
Lauren Murray
About the guest
Lauren Murray is a New Jersey mother of two daughters born almost twenty years apart. Her oldest is about to turn 21 and graduated from the University of Central Florida two years ahead of her peers. Her youngest is four and was diagnosed about a year and a half ago as level two autistic, with sensory processing disorder and food limitations that keep her to a short list of safe foods. Lauren is a former teacher who also works for a chocolate company in the tri-state area, and because her husband works 12 to 18 hour days, she is her daughter's near sole caregiver most of the week.
About your host
Rob Gorski is the founder of The Autism Dad, a blog and podcast dedicated to supporting parents raising kids on the autism spectrum. As a dad of three autistic sons with over 25 years of experience, Rob brings lived experience, honesty, and heart to every conversation.
Rob's book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, lands December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. Updates and preorder: theautismdad.com/book
Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by Mightier, a biofeedback emotional-regulation gaming program for kids, developed and tested at Boston Children's Hospital. Kids wear a heart-rate monitor and play games that get harder when they get dysregulated and easier as they calm down, so they practice regulating themselves in the moment. Read Rob's full review at theautismdad.com/mightier-review and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off. #ad
Frequently asked questions
What is level 2 autism?
Level 2 autism describes someone who needs substantial support with social communication and with restricted or repetitive behaviors. Lauren's four-year-old daughter is level two, and she is also bright and highly verbal, which is exactly why many people do not recognize her as autistic at all.
Can an autistic child be very verbal and articulate?
Yes. Lauren's daughter speaks better than most of her peers, something Lauren credits partly to growing up around a much older sister with no baby talk in the house. Strong language skills do not rule out autism, and for kids like her they can make the autism harder for outsiders to see.
Is an autistic child's public meltdown just a tantrum?
No. As Lauren explains, there is usually far more going on than people assume. Her family does everything from A to Z to get ahead of a meltdown, and sometimes it happens anyway. What looks like an unruly toddler is often a child whose nervous system is overwhelmed, and the family managing it deserves grace instead of judgment.
Why do New Jersey autism services get cut off after six months?
New Jersey offers families services the moment a child is diagnosed, but if those services are not used within six months, the state closes the family's file. Lauren's point is that a family's needs change. She spent those first months setting up ABA therapy and running between the pediatrician and the neurologist, and when a new need showed up later, the support was already gone.
How do you fly with an autistic child?
Preparation helps. Lauren packs her daughter's iPad, safe comfort snacks, and a blanket just in case, and her daughter has been traveling since she was six months old. She also talks with Rob about navigating Newark with documentation and the TSA sunflower lanyard program, which discreetly signals that a traveler has a hidden disability and may need a little more patience.
Resources mentioned
More Seen and Heard episodes: listen.theautismdad.com
Rob's full Mightier review: theautismdad.com/mightier-review
Preorder Rob's book: theautismdad.com/book
If you found this episode helpful, please follow The Autism Dad Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Visit listen.theautismdad.com for past episodes, resources, and ways to support the show.
You can find Rob at theautismdad.com, on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at The Autism Dad, and on YouTube at The Autism Dad. New episodes drop every week at listen.theautismdad.com.
